• Yoda throwing his lightsaber into his opponent's chest, it what seems to be a devastating if highly un-Jedi-like attack.
• Raphael the fencer being a vampire. The hell?
• Sophitia getting Zeus to help out with a lightning bolt.
• Cassandra beating her opponent by sitting on their face while hearts shoot from her crotch. Twice. Swear to god.
• Mitsurugi cutting someone so bad they catch on fire.
• Many, many Soul Calibur characters knocking their opponents into the air only to do something hideously and hilarious cruel to them while on their way back down, such as throwing a spear into them, and inevitably making them fly off screen.
• Rock making an elephant noise after he wins.
• Swordswoman Setsuka's hilariously large breasts beating Ivy's hilariously large breasts.

And speaking of, you might want to check out TR sister site Heartless Doll's great list of the 10 most ridiculous ladies' undergarments in videogames, because Soul Calibur is very naturally featured. Ladies, you can laugh, and gents, you can stare at pictures of videogame girls in their skivvies and help perpetuate the problem.

Now, Kodomo no Nomimono has been around for several years, which is why I never thought of putting it on S.T.J.T...until today, when gentleman, scholar and TR reader Patrick sent me a commercial for it.

There's something about that table full of kids, with their little glasses full of beer-like beverage complete with tiny heads, yelling "kampai" to each other that is so heinously wrong that it comes out the other side and is awesomely right. Incidentally, I've actually had Kodomo, and it's quite tasty. It doesn't exactly taste like beer, but it certainly tastes beer-like—kind of like how grape soda tastes like grape flavor, and not real grapes. If you're a small child who wants to get a head start on a crippling addicition to alcohol, I can't recommend it enough.

Dewan (Wonderfalls) will play Patience, a woman who discovers she’s part of a line of female warriors descended from Mary Magdalene who serve as protectors of the Catholic Church.

Patience wears the outfit on the right while doing so. If the Catholic Church freaked out about The Da Vinci Code, I'm genuinely looking forward to this.

• /Film says the Y: The Last Man movie could be coming in 2010 and star...wait for it...Shia the Beef! Says the Beef's Eagle Eye director D.J. Caruso:

“I was talking to Shia [LaBeouf] about this yesterday when we were looping him, because he really wants to do it as well, I would like to prep this movie in October, and start shooting it by January. Warner Bros keeps saying ‘We need movies for 2010′ I’m like ‘We’re the movie!’” said Caruso. “[Shia] wants to do it, I want to do it. I think we just need to worry about him being exhausted, so I told him, if I prep it in the fall and we start in January, that’s a nice big break.”

I genuinely have no problem with the Beef playing Yorick. Anyone disagree?

• Last but not least, Comic Book Resources says Hancock director Peter Berg will produce a movie based on Radical Comics' Hercules: The Thracian Wars comic, which as a big Greek myth nerd I was excited about until I read this quote from Radical publisher Barry Levine:

“It's not a sword-and-sandals type of movie. It really is a dark version of ‘Jason and the Argonauts’ and all that -- we don't even have monsters in the film. We don't have mythological Cyclops and Hydras or anything like that. This is about a journey. Not only his journey, but the people who buy into his vision, the other six who go along with him. They all have their demons and conflicts, too, it's about resolving those conflicts. The one whole theme of this movie is redemption, in the vein of 'Seven Samurai.'”

Bleh. I have to wonder who on Earth would want to watch a Hercules movie about redemption instead of about punching huge fucking monsters in the face. Peter Berg and Barry Levine, I guess. But count me out.

“I have such an enormous admiration for its creators, that our first and foremost concern is going to be a real degree of faithfulness to the tone of the movie, to the mix of genres, and so on and so forth,” he says. “When I met with them in Japan, one of the first things that I brought up was the experience that we had on A SCANNER DARKLY, and how hard we worked to remain faithful to Philip K. Dick, and that was our big concern here.”

On the plus side, Bebop is one of the best candidates for a live-action anime movie. It's reasonably stand-alone, so the story should be easily adaptable into a feature film; it's very popular, having run on Adult Swim for the last five years or so; it's more adult oriented than most popular anime, which means it should be able to attract a decent mainstream audience if promoted right; and last but not least, it's got a very accessible, American audience-friendly sci-fi setting and characters— totally unlike Dragonball, which is so going to tank. But I still think we'll be seeing those long-rumored adaptations of Akira and Lupin the 3rd before Bebop, which is to say in about a jillion years or so.

Being immortalized in plastic is one of the true benchmarks of being a celebrity; you might be a singer or actor or whatever, but being able to see your likeness in Toys "R" Us means you've reached an elite level of fame that sets you apart from your peers. Still, like any exclusive club, occasionally a bit of riffraff gets in—and toymakers find odd or low-tier celebrities who no sane, loved child would want an action figure or doll of, and then make action figures and dolls of them anyways. Here are then ten most inexplicable celebrity toys of all time.

Batman's Christian Bale was arrested in London on Tuesday, following assault allegations reportedly made by his own mother and sister.

He was released from the Belgravia precinct station later in the afternoon with a 10-man police escort, in a blacked-out silver Mercedes people carrier. Bale is to return to police in September, pending further inquiry, a police spokesperson tells PEOPLE.

The actor, 34, allegedly lashed out at his mother Jenny, 61, and sister Sharon, 40, on Sunday at London's Dorchester hotel, where he was staying before Monday's U.K. premiere of The Dark Knight.

God only knows if the allegations are true or not, but it's kind of fascinating how this is making everyone who loved Bale in the Dark Knight just this past weekend feel really, really awkward right now, and that's on top of all the Ledger being dead stuff. Of course, we can't rule out that Bale's mom and sister had trapped Maggie Gyllenhall, and Bale was simply trying to find out were she was being held. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

• Spaced: The Complete Series
The series that launched the careers of Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright of Shaun of the Dead fame. Apparently, this show is hilarious enough that Quentin Tarantino, Diablo Cody, Patton Oswalt, Kevin Smith and more were all willing to do commentaries just about how funny it is.

• Bleach Vol. 11
If you liked the first 10 volumes, chances are you'll also like the 11th. (For you anime fans, it's the episodes where Uryu fights the mad scientist Kurotsuchi.)

• Transformers Cybertron: The Ultimate Collection
I think this is the series after Transformers Armada, but I can't be bothered to look it up. It does contain seven DVDs and 1144 minutes of cartoons, which I believe is 52 episodes.

• Case Closed: Season One
This anime is a kids' show in Japan, where a young kid detective basically solves one gruesome murder per episode. It's like Encyclopedia Brown, but with more beheadings. Quite entertaining, really.

• Heathcliff: The Best of Heathcliff
I had to go to the 12th page of "New DVD Releases" for the week to find this little treasure, which doesn't even have cover art. Suffice it to say, if you've been waiting to own the Heathcliff cartoon on DVD, this is likely as good as it's going to get.

Dressed in an intricate and authentically detailed costume, including a 4-panel tattered cloak, The Sandman comes with many character-specific accessories, including his ruby necklace, the Helm of Dreams, the Key to Hell, Goldie the Gargoyle, Matthew the Raven and a display stand. Packaged in a special slipcase to evoke the Absolute Editions that inspired it.

I'm positive there is absolutely zero chance of a 12-inch Death figure not coming later in 2009, which I know should make some of you happy.

Well, you know what happens when I assume—I make an ass out of "u" (I'm an internet writer, and thus have no responsibility or culpability). Time Life has solved the problem by charging only $180 for the whole shebang. It's not cheap, but at 26 DVDs and 147 episodes, that's not much more than a buck per episode. Plus, TV Shows on DVD says it's coming with all of this:

• All Episodes of The Real Ghostbusters
• All Episodes from Slimer! And The Real Ghostbusters
• Unique Collector's Box with Exclusive Art
• The original promotional pilot for The Real Ghostbusters, NEVER BEFORE AIRED
• 21 on-camera Commentary Tracks with producers, voice actors, writers, animators and production personnel
• 5 exclusive Documentaries
• 86 Episode Introductions
• 16-page booklets include episode synopses, trivia, and art for every episode! • Plus Scripts, Storyboards, Image Galleries, Music & Effects Audio Tracks, and Much More!
• Interviews with J. Michael Straczynski (Writer & Story Editor), Maurice La Marche (Voice Of " Egon Spengler"), Laura Summer (Voice Of First "Janine Melnitz"), Kath Soucie (Voice Of Second "Janine Melnitz"), and Many Others

This is as insane as it is awesome. At any rate, you can pre-order it at Time-Life here and save an additional $16.